I've been thinking about some of these issues off and on a lot lately over the last few years. And this post is bound to be a bit rambling, but I'll try to be interesting and make some degree of sense. Also, I'm going to talk about some mildly racy-ish stuff here, so fair waring.
A little background. I am, for the first time ever, working on two writing projects both of which have adult main characters and are intended for an adult audience. One story is sort of a magically informed cross between Sherlock and Jane Austen, with a little action movie thrown in for good measure. This book doesn't pose much in the way of Mormon-writer dilemmas for me because, well, it has Victorian-esque moral values and, since it's fantasy, I can make up whatever rules I want.
The other project is a different matter - and honestly it will probably never get published - so it probably won't ever matter to anyone but me. The important thing for this post however, is that it's a modern day story about two adults who are friends and creative partners whose relationship later develops into a more romantic one. And unlike me these two adults aren't Mormon, and one of them is definitely not particularly religious in any way. I've already drawn a firm line in the sand when it comes to sex scenes; I won't write them, and I'm standing on my head to keep them out of the story, but so far it's working (though largely the reason why I can't see it getting published). For some reason, this dilemma, which I know should be the bigger one, isn't one that's bothering me.
Believe it or not, the bigger issue for me in writing this story is profanity. I take a lot of pride, justified or not, in writing dialogue that actually sounds like people talking to each other. And, I can't even really start to write a character until I can (in a non-mentally disturbed way) hear them talking in my head. The problem in the scene I'm writing tonight is that when one of my characters talks in my head, shocking as it is, the guy swears in casual conversation....not a lot...and not in any horrifying way... but that's just who he is.
I've gotten around this in other stories by making up profanity that isn't profanity (again, yay fantasy!) or in tense situations just using the phrase "He swore." Which has tended to work well 99% of the time. But that won't work in the scene I'm writing tonight.
Some people I know would say I shouldn't even be writing a character or situation like this. I get that - after all, I choose the ideas and the characters I write about, so I could in fact just kick Alex (my character) and his story to the curb and tell a different story....maybe one with some nice pioneers or a ward bake-off or something (okay, snarky moment over). But I don't want to...and what's more important I don't want to be the kind of writer who can only write about people who are just like myself.
So what do I do?
Well, for now, I took my version of the moral high ground and re-wrote the dialogue with a PG-rated swear word in it's place. I know, I know it's the right thing to do...the problem is, it's not the writer thing to do. And that scene is going to bug me every time. And it's probably going to happen again.
Sigh.
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Good Day at Work
Sorry this is a little late, I've been enjoying my Spring Break and the chance to feel a little lazy.
Last Friday I got paid as part of my internship to go to the Church History Symposium sponsored by BYU and the Church History Department. It was one of those days that made me feel lucky for the education I'd been able to get and the job I now have.
The highlight of my day was listening to President Uchtdorf talk while sitting in the fourth row. It was so amazing. My intern buddy Tarienne from North Carolina was sitting next to me and it was the first time she'd ever been in the same room with one of the Quorum of the Twelve or the First Presidency, so it was great to be with someone else who was geeking out over the experience. He talked about a lot of great things, some of my favorites were him talking about the The Hobbit as an example of exploring and getting out of your comfort zone, and when he talked about his own doubts when he was younger about their ever being a temple in East Germany.
The entire talk is here if anyone's interested.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rc5GyF5i3Y&app=desktop
The theme of the conference was the Global Church, and one of my favorite presentations talked about how to create Church history papers and exhibits that are more international member focused and less western missionary/leader focused. The exhibit he used as an example tells a seriously heart wrenching but amazing story about early Saints in Armenia. If you haven't seen it before I think it's pretty amazing from both a historian and a gospel standpoint. You can check it out here:
http://history.lds.org/exhibit/1921-lds-armenian-exodus?lang=eng
Last Friday I got paid as part of my internship to go to the Church History Symposium sponsored by BYU and the Church History Department. It was one of those days that made me feel lucky for the education I'd been able to get and the job I now have.
The highlight of my day was listening to President Uchtdorf talk while sitting in the fourth row. It was so amazing. My intern buddy Tarienne from North Carolina was sitting next to me and it was the first time she'd ever been in the same room with one of the Quorum of the Twelve or the First Presidency, so it was great to be with someone else who was geeking out over the experience. He talked about a lot of great things, some of my favorites were him talking about the The Hobbit as an example of exploring and getting out of your comfort zone, and when he talked about his own doubts when he was younger about their ever being a temple in East Germany.
The entire talk is here if anyone's interested.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rc5GyF5i3Y&app=desktop
The theme of the conference was the Global Church, and one of my favorite presentations talked about how to create Church history papers and exhibits that are more international member focused and less western missionary/leader focused. The exhibit he used as an example tells a seriously heart wrenching but amazing story about early Saints in Armenia. If you haven't seen it before I think it's pretty amazing from both a historian and a gospel standpoint. You can check it out here:
http://history.lds.org/exhibit/1921-lds-armenian-exodus?lang=eng
Monday, January 6, 2014
Intern Girl
So I started my job at the Church History Library today, and I think I'm going to really like it there. The commute home was interesting. There was a major problem with Trax and Tracy had to drive all the way downtown to pick me up ... my knight in shiny armor!
Though the view from the walking part of my commute was pretty good...
Though the view from the walking part of my commute was pretty good...
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Dangerous Ice Cream
So we had the missionaries over for dinner last night, which turned out pretty fun. They had picked some walnuts earlier in the day and they and Tracy got some enjoyment out of trying to get the things out of the shell, we have walnut shrapnel in our dining room, but it was pretty entertaining.
The funny, though quite embarrassing moment of the night came when Tracy offered them some ice cream. I had bought what I thought was Rocky Road ice cream, but when Tracy went to dish it up I'd bought something else that was coffee flavored. Luckily he caught it before he'd served it. I couldn't believe that not only had I not noticed it was the wrong flavor, but that we'd managed not to look at it until we had missionaries there. They gave me a good-natured hard time about it, and it lead to us sharing stories about our other near misses (or not quite misses) with things we didn't want to eat or drink. And now I've given them a new story to tell (sigh).
The funny, though quite embarrassing moment of the night came when Tracy offered them some ice cream. I had bought what I thought was Rocky Road ice cream, but when Tracy went to dish it up I'd bought something else that was coffee flavored. Luckily he caught it before he'd served it. I couldn't believe that not only had I not noticed it was the wrong flavor, but that we'd managed not to look at it until we had missionaries there. They gave me a good-natured hard time about it, and it lead to us sharing stories about our other near misses (or not quite misses) with things we didn't want to eat or drink. And now I've given them a new story to tell (sigh).
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Pinewood Derby
Our ward activity this afternoon was a Pinewood Derby, Tracy and I both made cars for it. It was the first time I had ever made a Pinewood Derby car, and with some sawing and wheel attachment assistance from my cute husband I think it turned out pretty well.
Tracy's blue car with the yellow stripes is a tribute to one of his Cub Scout cars that once won "Best Boy Scout Colors" and has an awesome hood scoop.
My car's decoration was something I debated a long time over until I found the perfect set of rub-ons/transfers/decals in my scrapbooking stuff. A lot of people liked the design, which made me happy.
It also made me happy that our cars both made it to the finish line in every race, and my car actually won one of the four races it was in. I came in sixth out of about twenty cars, one theory about the success was that Tracy had accidentally put my wheels on slightly crooked, but we later found out that only having three wheels touch the track might be an advantage. Considering we didn't use weights or graphite or anything it was a pretty good result, and definitely a fun day.
Tracy's blue car with the yellow stripes is a tribute to one of his Cub Scout cars that once won "Best Boy Scout Colors" and has an awesome hood scoop.
My car's decoration was something I debated a long time over until I found the perfect set of rub-ons/transfers/decals in my scrapbooking stuff. A lot of people liked the design, which made me happy.
It also made me happy that our cars both made it to the finish line in every race, and my car actually won one of the four races it was in. I came in sixth out of about twenty cars, one theory about the success was that Tracy had accidentally put my wheels on slightly crooked, but we later found out that only having three wheels touch the track might be an advantage. Considering we didn't use weights or graphite or anything it was a pretty good result, and definitely a fun day.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Change Can Definitely Be Good
So our New Beginnings for our church's Young Women Program is tonight and since I'm Young Women's President in our ward I've been preparing some things to say about Personal Progress (this is the goal setting/recognition program for the young women). One of the things I'm going to talk a little about is the history of Young Women Recognition Programs in The Church. The first program was a Beehive Handbook from 1915
Requirements of 1915 handbook included:
Requirements of 1915 handbook included:
-
Care successfully for a hive of bees for one season and know their
habits.
- Cover 25 miles on snowshoes on any six
days.
- During two weeks, keep the house free
from flies, or destroy at least 25 flies daily.
- Without help or advice, care for and
harness a team at least five times [and] drive 50 miles during one season.
-
Clear sagebrush off of one-half acre of land.
As leaders of the Young Women we are encouraged to participate in this program with our girls. Can I just say how grateful I am that the new program contains a lot more scripture reading and a lot less fly killing and agricultural knowledge? Because I'm pretty sure I'd flunk that in a hurry.
As leaders of the Young Women we are encouraged to participate in this program with our girls. Can I just say how grateful I am that the new program contains a lot more scripture reading and a lot less fly killing and agricultural knowledge? Because I'm pretty sure I'd flunk that in a hurry.
Monday, September 17, 2012
2 Quick Lists
5 Things I've Been Happy About this Week
1. Tracy made dinner last night and it was yummy.
2. My Young Women Counselors are awesome and remember things I forget.
3. Gorgeous, gorgeous weather
4. The discovery of Pinterest
5. Getting to read Shannon Hale's Palace of Stone
5 Things I've Been Grouchy About this Week
1. At least two bacterial infections, one of which makes me dizzy
2. My inability to finish my dissertation conclusion
3. Garden snails (GROSS) that are eating our tomato and cucumber plants
4. The fact that there are only 24 hours in a day
5. That though I have an appliance called a "dishwasher" it doesn't actually do the dishes for me :-)
1. Tracy made dinner last night and it was yummy.
2. My Young Women Counselors are awesome and remember things I forget.
3. Gorgeous, gorgeous weather
4. The discovery of Pinterest
5. Getting to read Shannon Hale's Palace of Stone
5 Things I've Been Grouchy About this Week
1. At least two bacterial infections, one of which makes me dizzy
2. My inability to finish my dissertation conclusion
3. Garden snails (GROSS) that are eating our tomato and cucumber plants
4. The fact that there are only 24 hours in a day
5. That though I have an appliance called a "dishwasher" it doesn't actually do the dishes for me :-)
Friday, August 24, 2012
A Good Day to Be A Historian
A few weeks ago I got invited to attended a luncheon with Pulitzer Prize winning historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. I assumed a bunch of graduate students were invited, and I accepted the invitation with only the passing though of "She's actually kind of famous, for a historian, that would be fun." In the back of my mind I knew it was connected to a conference they are having tomorrow on Women in the LDS Church, but I didn't really think about it.
So I show up today to discover that am I one of only a fairly small number of students that got invited, and in addition beyond this amazing historian (who I was impressed with, she managed to be gracious even when skewering people) this small group also included Church Historian Elder Steven E. Snow. Elder Snow handled a difficult question with such humility and tact, while still being absolutely true to the gospel, that it made me delighted to be a member of the Church. I was a little star struck and am still not entirely sure why I was lucky enough to be invited. I even got to ask a question!
I also got to reconnect with one of my grad school buddies whom I look up to and who has meant a lot to me over the years.
Beyond the sheer amazement I had at being in a room with those people, the discussion was extremely interesting and relevant to a number of things I care about, both as a historian, an archivist and as a Mormon woman. It was one of those days that reminded me why I went into history in the first place.
So I show up today to discover that am I one of only a fairly small number of students that got invited, and in addition beyond this amazing historian (who I was impressed with, she managed to be gracious even when skewering people) this small group also included Church Historian Elder Steven E. Snow. Elder Snow handled a difficult question with such humility and tact, while still being absolutely true to the gospel, that it made me delighted to be a member of the Church. I was a little star struck and am still not entirely sure why I was lucky enough to be invited. I even got to ask a question!
I also got to reconnect with one of my grad school buddies whom I look up to and who has meant a lot to me over the years.
Beyond the sheer amazement I had at being in a room with those people, the discussion was extremely interesting and relevant to a number of things I care about, both as a historian, an archivist and as a Mormon woman. It was one of those days that reminded me why I went into history in the first place.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Answering Questions about the Church
I absolutely love this article from the Church about how to answer questions about the gospel.
http://www.lds.org/church/news/answering-questions-about-our-faith?lang=eng
I especially love the advice to have a two-way conversation instead of lecturing and of tailoring your response to what people want, i.e. don't give them an hour lesson when they just want to know what "stake center" means. I always tense up at the idea of "missionary work" (because I don't think I'm very good at it) but I love the idea of focusing on having conversations about the things that are important with people that you care about, because that's how you build good relationships anyway. Usually I find that if you're respectful and don't try to "pressure or coerce" as the article puts it, conversations about faith-related matters can be a great experience.
Also, as a person who was once a less active member, I can say that the people who helped me feel ready to return to church activity were those people who actually took the time to know and care about me regardless of whether or not I attended church.
http://www.lds.org/church/news/answering-questions-about-our-faith?lang=eng
I especially love the advice to have a two-way conversation instead of lecturing and of tailoring your response to what people want, i.e. don't give them an hour lesson when they just want to know what "stake center" means. I always tense up at the idea of "missionary work" (because I don't think I'm very good at it) but I love the idea of focusing on having conversations about the things that are important with people that you care about, because that's how you build good relationships anyway. Usually I find that if you're respectful and don't try to "pressure or coerce" as the article puts it, conversations about faith-related matters can be a great experience.
Also, as a person who was once a less active member, I can say that the people who helped me feel ready to return to church activity were those people who actually took the time to know and care about me regardless of whether or not I attended church.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
On a Slightly More Serious Note
I'm a Sunday School teacher. I teach the adult Gospel Doctrine class in our ward and have done so for over four years now. I love doing it, and people seem to appreciate what I do.
I always try to teach in the most positive way possible, to be as encouraging and uplifting as I can. Yeah, occasionally I challenge myself and my class to better live a principle, but for the most part I try to focus on helping people feel the Spirit of the Lord and to feel the love, hope and happiness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I've wondered sometimes if the way I teach is too sunshine-y (ok, not a word but I'm using it), or that I need to be a more detailed scriptorian or something like that. However, very recently I started reading the manual Teaching, No Greater Call for my scripture study and today in the second chapter "Nourishing the Soul" I ran across this quote:
"Teaching that is nourishing to the soul uplifts others, builds their faith, and gives them confidence to meet life’s challenges. It motivates them to forsake sin and to come to Christ, call on His name, obey His commandments, and abide in His love." (pg.5)
Now, I'm sure there are lots of things I can do to improve my teaching, which is why I'm studying the manual, but this quote at least made me feel like I was on the right track and also confirmed my testimony that the gospel is about love and hope.
I always try to teach in the most positive way possible, to be as encouraging and uplifting as I can. Yeah, occasionally I challenge myself and my class to better live a principle, but for the most part I try to focus on helping people feel the Spirit of the Lord and to feel the love, hope and happiness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I've wondered sometimes if the way I teach is too sunshine-y (ok, not a word but I'm using it), or that I need to be a more detailed scriptorian or something like that. However, very recently I started reading the manual Teaching, No Greater Call for my scripture study and today in the second chapter "Nourishing the Soul" I ran across this quote:
"Teaching that is nourishing to the soul uplifts others, builds their faith, and gives them confidence to meet life’s challenges. It motivates them to forsake sin and to come to Christ, call on His name, obey His commandments, and abide in His love." (pg.5)
Now, I'm sure there are lots of things I can do to improve my teaching, which is why I'm studying the manual, but this quote at least made me feel like I was on the right track and also confirmed my testimony that the gospel is about love and hope.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Merrily, Merrily Christmas World!
So I've been a bad blogger lately, but our lives have been insane. I've been determined in spite of my health and house dramas to have a dissertation chapter turned in by the end of the year, and as the previous entry mentioned Tracy and I handmade 90% of our Christmas gifts. It's been a wild, wild ride.
Still, I just turned the chapter in. My pumpkin pie for one of our family dinners just came out of the oven. I still have a warm house, an awesome husband, and lots of family holiday goodness to look forward to this weekend. There's bright sunshine out my window, no snow in the forecast (sorry skiers) and I'm feeling the Christmas glow. I truly hope that everyone has an amazing Christmas, and that the spirit of a baby born in Bethlehem over 2000 years ago feels you with love and joy.
Still, I just turned the chapter in. My pumpkin pie for one of our family dinners just came out of the oven. I still have a warm house, an awesome husband, and lots of family holiday goodness to look forward to this weekend. There's bright sunshine out my window, no snow in the forecast (sorry skiers) and I'm feeling the Christmas glow. I truly hope that everyone has an amazing Christmas, and that the spirit of a baby born in Bethlehem over 2000 years ago feels you with love and joy.
Merry Christmas!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Presentation
I'm giving a work-in-progress presentation about my dissertation tomorrow for the History Grad Student Association at the U. It's really not that big of a deal, but prepping for it has totally consumed my available energy this week and I find myself nervous.
I didn't use to get nervous about these kinds of things, but I think my anxiety issues, as well as being out of practice, are conspiring to make me feel a little bit of stage fright.
However, what helps is reminding myself that nothing of eternal value is on the line. I could have a disastrous presentation and Tracy would still hug me and take me out to dinner when it was over. And nowhere in a temple recommend interview will the bishop ask me "And did you successfully deliver your work-in-progress talk?"
Yeah, I'm at the point where I just take deep breaths and wait to get it over with.
I didn't use to get nervous about these kinds of things, but I think my anxiety issues, as well as being out of practice, are conspiring to make me feel a little bit of stage fright.
However, what helps is reminding myself that nothing of eternal value is on the line. I could have a disastrous presentation and Tracy would still hug me and take me out to dinner when it was over. And nowhere in a temple recommend interview will the bishop ask me "And did you successfully deliver your work-in-progress talk?"
Yeah, I'm at the point where I just take deep breaths and wait to get it over with.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
For the Love of History
This is a bit of a rant, so feel free to skip this. Also a warning for any die hard Republicans or Democrats, I do a little skewering of both sides here.
I am a historian, I love history. We've moved so I could study it, it's part of who I am. Needless to say I have something of a personal investment in the way that it is used and spoken of in the public sphere. There are so many reasons to study our past, and while I'm not of the "doomed to repeat it" school of thought, I do think an understanding of history helps us understand the world in which we live in today. (Studying history, for those of my readers who care about such things, is also something the scriptures encourage us to do. In D&C 88: 78-79 in a list of things that should be "taught diligently" it lists "things which have been" and "the wars and perplexities of nations.")
I also think, though some in the academic field might look down their noses at such a statement, that if you love our country you need to celebrate the great achievements of our nation, while also being aware of its mistakes. I am perhaps a bit more patriotic and emotional than many academic historians, but so what, I'm happy to admit that when I stood in the room in Independence Hall where the Declaration of Independence was signed I had to fight back tears, and that I had a similar experience at the Lincoln Memorial. There are reasons to honor the past and feel deep gratitude towards the men and women who worked their very hardest and did their very best to create a great nation.
But, and here's where the rant comes in, if people want to use the American past for political reasons they at least need to get it right! Don't turn George Washington into the poster child for small government and conservative values, don't try to compare Barack Obama to Abraham Lincoln in order to boost his greatness – just don't. (And I'm sorry to be specific and controversial here - but Sarah Palin needs a full time history tutor and a willingness to admit when she screws up.)
Is there a Founding Father who would back up conservative folks who want smaller government? Oh, absolutely. There are several – Thomas Jefferson for starters. But I think clinging on to George Washington here shows a real misunderstanding of the complexity of federalism.
Is it potentially a cool bit of trivia that the three presidents who spent most of their lives in Illinois (Lincoln, Grant, Obama) have some kind of connection to solving racial discord in our country? Sure. But I'd like to point out that the only president born in Illinois was Ronald Reagan and, in addition, I don't think President Obama did much rail splitting in Honolulu.
PLEASE notice here that I am giving examples of both the "right" and the "left" doing this - this isn't a rant about politics, my political views would take a novel to explain, not a blog post – it's a rant about people using history but not bothering to study it. History is complex and fascinating and wonderful, and by turning it into an inaccurate political sound bite, it diminishes its value to our nation.
Oh, and for the record, I think each time one of these politicians invokes our glorious past for their own purposes they need to donate ten dollars towards history scholarships or historical preservation. Well, a girl can dream.
I am a historian, I love history. We've moved so I could study it, it's part of who I am. Needless to say I have something of a personal investment in the way that it is used and spoken of in the public sphere. There are so many reasons to study our past, and while I'm not of the "doomed to repeat it" school of thought, I do think an understanding of history helps us understand the world in which we live in today. (Studying history, for those of my readers who care about such things, is also something the scriptures encourage us to do. In D&C 88: 78-79 in a list of things that should be "taught diligently" it lists "things which have been" and "the wars and perplexities of nations.")
I also think, though some in the academic field might look down their noses at such a statement, that if you love our country you need to celebrate the great achievements of our nation, while also being aware of its mistakes. I am perhaps a bit more patriotic and emotional than many academic historians, but so what, I'm happy to admit that when I stood in the room in Independence Hall where the Declaration of Independence was signed I had to fight back tears, and that I had a similar experience at the Lincoln Memorial. There are reasons to honor the past and feel deep gratitude towards the men and women who worked their very hardest and did their very best to create a great nation.
But, and here's where the rant comes in, if people want to use the American past for political reasons they at least need to get it right! Don't turn George Washington into the poster child for small government and conservative values, don't try to compare Barack Obama to Abraham Lincoln in order to boost his greatness – just don't. (And I'm sorry to be specific and controversial here - but Sarah Palin needs a full time history tutor and a willingness to admit when she screws up.)
Is there a Founding Father who would back up conservative folks who want smaller government? Oh, absolutely. There are several – Thomas Jefferson for starters. But I think clinging on to George Washington here shows a real misunderstanding of the complexity of federalism.
Is it potentially a cool bit of trivia that the three presidents who spent most of their lives in Illinois (Lincoln, Grant, Obama) have some kind of connection to solving racial discord in our country? Sure. But I'd like to point out that the only president born in Illinois was Ronald Reagan and, in addition, I don't think President Obama did much rail splitting in Honolulu.
PLEASE notice here that I am giving examples of both the "right" and the "left" doing this - this isn't a rant about politics, my political views would take a novel to explain, not a blog post – it's a rant about people using history but not bothering to study it. History is complex and fascinating and wonderful, and by turning it into an inaccurate political sound bite, it diminishes its value to our nation.
Oh, and for the record, I think each time one of these politicians invokes our glorious past for their own purposes they need to donate ten dollars towards history scholarships or historical preservation. Well, a girl can dream.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
The Civility Experiment
I just watched this video from the Church's website. (And though it's from the Church I think everybody could enjoy it, church member or not.) I loved it because this has been my little soapbox lately, but I also loved it because it made me feel like I need to do better, as well. I think the woman in the video has a very understandable experience.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Happy Easter...at Home!
I am ridiculously relieved to be home from my trip, and this morning after eleven hours of sleep, I'm feeling downright human again. I also had a few hours of clarity yesterday to put the finishing touches on my talk for Sacrament Meeting today. There's something about giving a talk on Easter that gives it extra significance and a little bit of extra pressure, so I'm both nervous and really looking forward to it.
So Happy Easter everyone! I hope this day finds you just a little wired on chocolate eggs or bunnies, and in the mood to ponder about the miraculous real reasons we celebrate this day.
And did I mention I'm GLAD to be home!
So Happy Easter everyone! I hope this day finds you just a little wired on chocolate eggs or bunnies, and in the mood to ponder about the miraculous real reasons we celebrate this day.
And did I mention I'm GLAD to be home!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Highs and Lows
I'm finally feeling a little better today, and I got to go out to lunch today with one of my friends, which was fun and gave me a lot of energy, so that's good. I also had a great experience watching General Conference this weekend. Here's one of my favorite quotes:
Elder Paul V. Johnson: "Getting on top of the cliffs isn't easy...just before reaching the top the climber encounters the steepest part of the trail and views of the canyon are hidden by the cliffs themselves. The final exertion is worth the effort, because once on top the views are breathtaking. The only way to see the views is to make the climb. A pattern in the scripture and in life shows that many times the darkest most dangerous tests immediately precede remarkable events and tremendous growth."
This quote comes in handy because I just received an very polite, but very short rejection letter from the agent who asked for pages last week. Clearly, in my writing career I have some additional climbing to do.
Elder Paul V. Johnson: "Getting on top of the cliffs isn't easy...just before reaching the top the climber encounters the steepest part of the trail and views of the canyon are hidden by the cliffs themselves. The final exertion is worth the effort, because once on top the views are breathtaking. The only way to see the views is to make the climb. A pattern in the scripture and in life shows that many times the darkest most dangerous tests immediately precede remarkable events and tremendous growth."
This quote comes in handy because I just received an very polite, but very short rejection letter from the agent who asked for pages last week. Clearly, in my writing career I have some additional climbing to do.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
The Way We Look At Ourselves
Awhile ago I read that a lot of grad students have what they call "impostor syndrome" the idea that somehow you aren't smart enough or talented enough to be in graduate school and that any moment your faculty and fellow students are going to discover this and (a) ridicule you, (b) kick you out.
I am definitely prone to this myself, I tend to think I'm too old, or too young, or too fat, or not cool enough, or simply not smart enough to be really be on the same level as my fellow students, and especially fellow faculty members. I have grown out of this somewhat over my years in graduate school, thanks to several terrific friends and some very kind and dedicated professors, but it's still there lurking around the edges.
Today I was talking with a fellow grad student who I think is awesome, the kind of woman who manages her religious, family and academic life with a skill I envy. At one point in our conversation we were talking about our GPA's and I told her about my fairly abysmal undergrad GPA. She said something along the lines of, "I'm relieved to hear that, because I think of you as one of the star students." It was immensely flattering, especially coming from her, but it made me realize that I certainly don't see myself that way. In fact, I told her that one of the reasons I was so relieved to get my fellowship next year was that it proved to me "I could play with the big kids."
And it is delightful to get that kind of outside validation, but it makes me wonder why I can't manage to see myself that way. Granted I think I view myself as moderately bright and competent, but a "star"? Not so much. Why is that? Why can't I manage to see the best parts of who I am? It's frustrating, and definitely something I need to work on, since I don't think you have the courage to really go after your weaknesses unless you believe you have strengths.
I am definitely prone to this myself, I tend to think I'm too old, or too young, or too fat, or not cool enough, or simply not smart enough to be really be on the same level as my fellow students, and especially fellow faculty members. I have grown out of this somewhat over my years in graduate school, thanks to several terrific friends and some very kind and dedicated professors, but it's still there lurking around the edges.
Today I was talking with a fellow grad student who I think is awesome, the kind of woman who manages her religious, family and academic life with a skill I envy. At one point in our conversation we were talking about our GPA's and I told her about my fairly abysmal undergrad GPA. She said something along the lines of, "I'm relieved to hear that, because I think of you as one of the star students." It was immensely flattering, especially coming from her, but it made me realize that I certainly don't see myself that way. In fact, I told her that one of the reasons I was so relieved to get my fellowship next year was that it proved to me "I could play with the big kids."
And it is delightful to get that kind of outside validation, but it makes me wonder why I can't manage to see myself that way. Granted I think I view myself as moderately bright and competent, but a "star"? Not so much. Why is that? Why can't I manage to see the best parts of who I am? It's frustrating, and definitely something I need to work on, since I don't think you have the courage to really go after your weaknesses unless you believe you have strengths.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Anti-Romance Novel Rant
So about a week ago I read a romance novel. No, not a novel with a romantic plot, which in my opinion is a totally different animal, but a regular old romance novel. I haven't read one for years, mostly because I think that the majority of the mainstream ones are inappropriate reading for a person who's trying to live the gospel of Jesus Christ, and I still think that. In addition, my experience with most of the Christian ones is that they aren't very well written, and tend to cast religiously minded women in stereotypical molds.
However, this book didn't look particularly trashy and it was set somewhere interesting, and I needed a fluffy read so I gave it a shot. I did finish the thing, but I didn't enjoy it, except for one aspect - all of my various multiple personalities (Mormon Girl, Writer, Feminist) were in complete agreement that the thing was pretty much total crap.
The Mormon Girl in me did not enjoy that she did in fact have to turn pages to avoid an inappropriate scene at the end of the book. She was also annoyed at the extreme emphasis on the physical. Yes, I'm glad my husband thinks I'm cute, don't get me wrong, but the idea that romantic love is almost entirely about how hot the other person is drove me insane.
The Writer in me was annoyed that a book with such clearly cliched plot and characters is published, and that the author of this book has been on the freakin' New York Times bestseller list.
The Feminist, like the Mormon Girl, (nice to know they can be friends), was also annoyed with the emphasis on the physical as the be all, end all of romantic love, and was equally annoyed that the man in the story seemed to want the woman only because 1) She made it easier to deal with his kid 2) She was hot 3) She could cook and 4) She was 'wounded' and needed saving. Not that any of those things are bad qualities necessarily, but for them to be the only things a guy likes about a girl? Bleck.
And I'm now remembering that a lot of romance novels really are like this. There are exceptions of course (Shannon Hale's Austenland comes to mind), but overall I think this book was representative of the genre. Even most of the Christian romance novels are pretty much in this mold, they just skip the inappropriate bits.
This has made me really glad that my reading habits have changed. I wonder how much of the depression of my single years was exacerbated by allowing these ideas to be constantly shoved into my head.
However, this book didn't look particularly trashy and it was set somewhere interesting, and I needed a fluffy read so I gave it a shot. I did finish the thing, but I didn't enjoy it, except for one aspect - all of my various multiple personalities (Mormon Girl, Writer, Feminist) were in complete agreement that the thing was pretty much total crap.
The Mormon Girl in me did not enjoy that she did in fact have to turn pages to avoid an inappropriate scene at the end of the book. She was also annoyed at the extreme emphasis on the physical. Yes, I'm glad my husband thinks I'm cute, don't get me wrong, but the idea that romantic love is almost entirely about how hot the other person is drove me insane.
The Writer in me was annoyed that a book with such clearly cliched plot and characters is published, and that the author of this book has been on the freakin' New York Times bestseller list.
The Feminist, like the Mormon Girl, (nice to know they can be friends), was also annoyed with the emphasis on the physical as the be all, end all of romantic love, and was equally annoyed that the man in the story seemed to want the woman only because 1) She made it easier to deal with his kid 2) She was hot 3) She could cook and 4) She was 'wounded' and needed saving. Not that any of those things are bad qualities necessarily, but for them to be the only things a guy likes about a girl? Bleck.
And I'm now remembering that a lot of romance novels really are like this. There are exceptions of course (Shannon Hale's Austenland comes to mind), but overall I think this book was representative of the genre. Even most of the Christian romance novels are pretty much in this mold, they just skip the inappropriate bits.
This has made me really glad that my reading habits have changed. I wonder how much of the depression of my single years was exacerbated by allowing these ideas to be constantly shoved into my head.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
A New Year
Happy New Year everyone!
New Years always makes everybody think about resolutions. I do think the idea of having a time to reflect on what we want to accomplish is a great idea, on the other hand I think it can be a bit depressing to realize that at least half your resolutions are the ones you made last year. I have, once again, pledged to give up soda and deep fried food, and to match my husband's resolution of 15 minutes a day on the treadmill (that one started today). Now, I have already set these goals, accomplished them, and then slowly faded back into bad habits. I also want to have a draft of my dissertation completed and my current novel finished, also both goals, that in some way, are hold over, or at least extensions of, last years goals. I'd also like to at least crack the second level piano book that I've had for five years (to be fair, I'm nearly finished with book one after three years, ugh).
I've always considered myself good at setting goals, and at least mildly successful at achieving them, so taking stock of the last year, in which I feel like a lot of wheel spinning went on, is a tough look at myself. Granted I have excuses - surgery, lots of traveling for my job, having what amounted to a full time job for most of the year etc. Still, its sobering to feel like I could have done much better.
Yeah, this is depressing blog post. So to make this blog and myself more cheerful, I'm going to end with a few things I did accomplish.
- Defending my dissertation proposal and acquiring at least 3000 pages of research in Washington, D.C.
- Writing least 150 pages on the first two Capstone books.
- Reading the Book of Mormon again
- Maintaining, for another year, my ridiculously happy marriage. (Of course I can't really take the credit for this, I'm married to an awesome guy.)
That's not such a bad list, right?
Here's to 2011, may it be a great year for everyone. We all could use it.
New Years always makes everybody think about resolutions. I do think the idea of having a time to reflect on what we want to accomplish is a great idea, on the other hand I think it can be a bit depressing to realize that at least half your resolutions are the ones you made last year. I have, once again, pledged to give up soda and deep fried food, and to match my husband's resolution of 15 minutes a day on the treadmill (that one started today). Now, I have already set these goals, accomplished them, and then slowly faded back into bad habits. I also want to have a draft of my dissertation completed and my current novel finished, also both goals, that in some way, are hold over, or at least extensions of, last years goals. I'd also like to at least crack the second level piano book that I've had for five years (to be fair, I'm nearly finished with book one after three years, ugh).
I've always considered myself good at setting goals, and at least mildly successful at achieving them, so taking stock of the last year, in which I feel like a lot of wheel spinning went on, is a tough look at myself. Granted I have excuses - surgery, lots of traveling for my job, having what amounted to a full time job for most of the year etc. Still, its sobering to feel like I could have done much better.
Yeah, this is depressing blog post. So to make this blog and myself more cheerful, I'm going to end with a few things I did accomplish.
- Defending my dissertation proposal and acquiring at least 3000 pages of research in Washington, D.C.
- Writing least 150 pages on the first two Capstone books.
- Reading the Book of Mormon again
- Maintaining, for another year, my ridiculously happy marriage. (Of course I can't really take the credit for this, I'm married to an awesome guy.)
That's not such a bad list, right?
Here's to 2011, may it be a great year for everyone. We all could use it.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
I was thinking this morning about things that I am thankful for. The big, important things never change. I'm thankful for my husband, my family, my friends, the basic necessities of life (especially a warm cozy house) and for the knowledge that I am my Heavenly Father's daughter and He loves me.
This morning, however, I tried to think about other blessings I needed to count - and became really thankful for books and for reading. This will come as no surprise to anyone. However, I realized that 90% of my life is tied up in my love of reading and writing.
- My job pays me to read. This week I was reading about Chief Pocatello, strangely enough.
- My schoolwork is almost entirely reading and writing (especially now that I'm at the dissertation stage).
- For fun I read novels, write novels, and journal in scrapbooks.
- My communication with family and friends, thanks to e-mail and blogs, involves a great deal of reading and writing.
- To feed my spiritual needs I read the scriptures every day.
In fact I can't think of a part of my life that isn't profoundly impacted by the ability to read and write. Today I stopped to realize that I am very blessed to live in this day and age. For most of the history of the world, ordinary people, especially women, didn't have the resources they needed to learn how to read and write even at a basic level. Not only that but, thanks to the miracle of libraries, I can read books for free. (Well, for $4.50 in library fines :) I can't imagine a world without words. So my special bit of gratitude for today is to be thankful for books and the fact that I can read them.
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