The "Fish Out of Water" Manifesto

It seems like every so often in my life I battle a "fish out of water" problem when attending church.  This isn't about the gospel of Jesus Christ, or my testimony of the Book of Mormon, or my firm belief in the efficacy of prayer, or anything like that.  Those have always remained solid, and for that I feel blessed.

No, this is about the social, cultural, and I'll be honest, political, soup that sometimes comes as a package deal with attending church.  The gospel is perfect, but church members are people, and all of us, definitely including myself, are imperfect, and we don't check our personalities at the door.   I don't have kids, I'm chubby,  I'm a political independent who (in Utah anyway) skews Democrat, I can't sew or bake very well, and I see my own academic and professional work as part of what my Heavenly Father expects of me, even if it makes me unavailable for service projects from time to time.

Let me be clear, I don't think anyone, at all, is trying to make me feel out of place or excluded.  On the contrary, I routinely get compliments on my Sunday School lessons and if I've ever visibly been out of sorts, someone usually checks on me. When I had my surgery in the spring, we received multiple kind offers of help and support.  My ward is full of wonderful compassionate people, all of whom, I know, are also just doing their very best. 

But an awareness of this doesn't make those "fish out of water" feelings go away, in fact, it tends to make me feel guilty about them, which as I mentioned in a previous post, is not helpful. 

So what keeps me going every week?   Well the fact that right as I'm feeling like this President Monson gives this talk - http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1298-39,00.html  - about not being judgemental and critical of each other.  Or the Church becomes part of an act of political reasonableness like this http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700080754/Community-leaders-urge-moderate-approach-to-immigration-reform.html .  Or a fellow sister in the gospel, unaware of my own views, "confesses" to me that she is a Democrat and supports federally funded health care.

And though these things don't always make it easier to walk into Relief Society on Sunday, they remind me why it's worth doing.   It also reminds me to do my best to keep my fellow fish feeling safely in the pond.