The Way We Look At Ourselves

Awhile ago I read that a lot of grad students have what they call "impostor syndrome" the idea that somehow you aren't smart enough or talented enough to be in graduate school and that any moment your faculty and fellow students are going to discover this and (a) ridicule you, (b) kick you out.

I am definitely prone to this myself, I tend to think I'm too old, or too young, or too fat, or not cool enough, or simply not smart enough to be really be on the same level as my fellow students, and especially fellow faculty members.  I have grown out of this somewhat over my years in graduate school, thanks to several terrific friends and some very kind and dedicated professors, but it's still there lurking around the edges.

Today I was talking with a fellow grad student who I think is awesome, the kind of woman who manages her religious, family and academic life with a skill I envy.  At one point in our conversation we were talking about our GPA's and I told her about my fairly abysmal undergrad GPA. She said something along the lines of, "I'm relieved to hear that, because I think of you as one of the star students."   It was immensely flattering, especially coming from her, but it made me realize that I certainly don't see myself that way.   In fact, I told her that one of the reasons I was so relieved to get my fellowship next year was that it proved to me "I could play with the big kids."

And it is delightful to get that kind of outside validation, but it makes me wonder why I can't manage to see myself that way.  Granted I think I view myself as moderately bright and competent, but a "star"? Not so much.   Why is that?  Why can't I manage to see the best parts of who I am?  It's frustrating, and definitely something I need to work on, since I don't think you have the courage to really go after your weaknesses unless you believe you have strengths.  

Etiquette of Book Reviews

I have a cold today, which is making me a little crabby, so once again I'm going to talk about books.

There's a website I really like called Goodreads.  It lets you rate and keep track of the books that you are reading as well as seeing what books your friends are reading.   The only problem I have is figuring out how to rate books in a public forum.  The site uses a five star system and then allows you to add a review.  The stars are problematic, since I end up giving about 70% of books that I read three stars, which not only seems a little mean, but also ends up lumping "great books with problems" into the same category as "throwaway easy reads".   

The natural solution to that problem seems to be to write a review.  However, I recently read a blog post by an bestselling author who talked about the danger of unpublished writers writing nasty book reviews in a public forum. Apparently it's cost people representation from agents, and very awkward moments if they ever meet these authors.   I don't think any of my reviews were nasty, and even here on my blog while ranting about specific genres I've been careful not to name names.  Still one person's "thoughtful comment" is another person's "nasty review" so I went in and stripped all of my reviews out of the site.

Then today I was entering the information for Terry Pratchchett's I Shall Wear Midnight.  The book had an extremely slow start, but I ended up loving it in the end.  I felt like, in all fairness, it was another "three star" book.  However, to just slap the star rating on it and walk away seemed like a disservice to the book.  So once again I wrote a review - two lines, focusing on the positive.  At the risk of being Pollyanna I think that's going to be my new method, only write a review if I can focus on the positive.

The only thing that's really clear to me in all of this is that I should never underestimate my ability to over-think an issue.

The Agony and the Ecstasy of Decorating Ideas

So I've been reading a few blogs and occasionally watching a design show on television.  I love the creativity, the color, the can-do spirit, and in the cases of most things I read/watch, the relative frugality.  I love the idea that making things functional and beautiful is worthwhile, but...

They make me start to wish I could do something about my kitchen...my entirely functional, quite good sized, kitchen.  I pretty much adore the rest of our house (ok, not the treadmill in the living room, but that's a whole story for another day). We even whipped the pesky guest bedroom/laundry room/craft room into shape this year.  But aesthetically our kitchen is really, really hard to love - raw wood "trim", 1980's fake-oak-trim-white laminate-cabinets, bad faux-finish, peachy cream paint job.   I spend about a half hour dreaming about what it could be, start to get wild ideas involving 5 coats of paint and molding I have no idea how to work with...

Then it hits me, especially at this moment in time, that any degree of whining over a kitchen is just about the most ungrateful thing that a person could be doing right now.   Did I mention my kitchen is entirely functional?  Did I mention that I have a kitchen, which means I have a home?  Where is my gratitude?!  So then I decide to be grateful, ignore my ugly but perfect kitchen, until next time I see a design idea and the ridiculous cycle starts all over again.

Multiple Career Interests

As things have gotten a little more tight for us financially these past couple of months I've occasionally wondered if I made the right decision to quit my job at the county archives.  When I was talking to my mom the other day about the good news from the literary agent we jokingly talked about how many careers one person can keep going at the same time.  Well, I think the answer in my case is two, but not three.  I found out today that I was awarded a great fellowship for school next year.  It's a fellowship I was able to apply for precisely because I've had time to work on my dissertation.   That combined with the fact I've been able to work more on my writing, both creatively and professionally, makes me think it wasn't such a bad idea after all.  Apparently while I couldn't juggle archivist, historian and fiction writer, I can juggle historian and fiction writer .... well today anyway.

A Sparkle of Hope

A really great literary agent has asked for a 30 page sample of Rell. Yippee!!

I will of course forgo any true happy dancing at the moment since this is the third time it's happened, but still, hopeful news. 

New Favorite Quote

Saw this on a t-shirt the other day:

 "Writer's Block: what happens when your imaginary friends stop talking to you." 

Luckily my current imaginary friends (who I've nicknamed "the kids") are chatting away nicely at the moment. 

How to Write a Formulaic Paranormal Teen Romance

I do like Twilight, but its success has spawned a lot of lukewarm successors.  Having read several over the past few months, this is what I've discovered. And I have to admit, the teen novel I'm working on does actually have two of the elements below, but only two  - thank goodness.  Warning: This post is me at my sarcastic, snarky best, or worst, depending on your point of view.

How to Write a Formulaic Paranormal Teen Romance

1. Make sure either your hero or your heroine is new in town. Bonus points if the person is “on their own” and mysterious and/or unlike the rest of their group/family/pride etc.

2. Make the hero or heroine (but preferably not both) some form of vampire, werewolf, dragon or other well known magical creature.  You are not allowed to invent your own creature, it must be drawn from some other popular culture source.  Bonus points if you don’t bother to explain how the other culture works or bother to make it interesting.

3. Set as many scenes as possible actually in the high school, bonus points if you do a step-by-step account of the new persons first day.

4. Make sure they sit next to each other in class, and have some form of “electrical” reaction to each other.  Bonus points if this class is biology or art.

5. Include a passing reference to a classic piece of music or literature.  Bonus points if you throw in a Bronte or Austen novel, but don’t actually talk about it.

6.  Give both your hero and your heroine as angsty a background as possible.  You get a bonus point for divorced parents and you get double bonus points for each dead parent and sibling.  

7. Make sure your heroine is as generic as possible, minimal talents, minimal interests outside said hero etc. DO NOT, at all costs, allow her to have specific educational or career goals.  

8. Make sure your hero is as brooding as possible, bonus points if he finds some excuse not to speak to the heroine before finally confessing his love.  DO NOT, at all costs, make him an outgoing well-adjusted young man.

9. Put your heroine in some form of outlandish danger, preferably because she’s foolish, and have the hero swoop in and save her.  Bonus points if you do this multiple times. 

10. Make sure each character talks a lot about how “beautiful” or “hot” or “stunning” the other person is.

11.  The climatic scenes should ideally involve: the imminent death of the non-paranormal half of the duo, a passionate kissing scene, and a set up for the books inevitable sequel.

 

How to Write a Non-Formulaic Paranormal Teen Romance

1. Break as many of the above rules as possible.